There is that moment, when you suddenly find yourself standing still in the revolving door and you are jolted into the present moment. It may be that someone has stopped the door to make it easier to get into the flow or that something has gotten stuck and jammed it. Or it could just be that you don't have enough energy to keep it moving. Whatever it is, that sudden stop can be enough to make you break down in deep, heaving sobs.
The revolving door is an ideal metaphor for the way many women live their lives. Doing what they need to/have to/ should do. Making sure everything gets done; everyone is happy; life is balanced.
But those of us who focus, consciously or unconsciously, on the needs of others know what a lie we live. We know that the only reason the revolving door keeps revolving is because we don't ever step out of it to take care of ourselves. And when we start to complain about the pace of the revolutions or the heaviness of the door we are met with either blank stares of confusion or judgemental eye rolling. And we are usually overcome with shame for having these thoughts in the first place since the majority of us reading this have a lot more to be grateful for than most women on the planet.
Recently, when I took a stand on an issue that really mattered to me I was met with the jarring response of 'well, when I was your age I did all that and loved it'. The message was clear 'there is something wrong with you.' Well, I already knew that! I knew that what was wrong with me was that I was afraid to say no. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be the good girl. I wanted to be everyone's friend. I wanted to be kind and thoughtful and loving and spiritual and all the things I thought would get me approval ... from others and myself.
Except it doesn't work. I teach this stuff and I am still surprised when I find myself in the middle of a struggle to fill that hole. If only I had some advance warning system that I can't miss that would be a huge signal saying STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN. Many women will admit that taking care of themselves is terrifying. The fear of being seen as selfish by their own or other people's standards will drive them to drink, eat, withdraw, self-abuse, lash out and fall into other destructive behaviours in a desperate attempt to release the tension and drama. It is exhausting and that's how so many women show up on my doorstep. Exhausted.
So, here in the aftermath of another awakening I am pulling out the tools I know will work. It's a huge step for me just as it is for every woman who falls into victimhood when faced with the consequences of their need for acceptance. These are the tools that help women who leave the retreat and walk back into the chaos and dysfunction they have helped to create. These are the baby steps that pull me back to my own centre; the place where I remember I am enough no matter what anyone else thinks. The place where I remind myself to do what I need to for my 'self', physically, emotionally and spiritually.
The revolving door is an ideal metaphor for the way many women live their lives. Doing what they need to/have to/ should do. Making sure everything gets done; everyone is happy; life is balanced.
But those of us who focus, consciously or unconsciously, on the needs of others know what a lie we live. We know that the only reason the revolving door keeps revolving is because we don't ever step out of it to take care of ourselves. And when we start to complain about the pace of the revolutions or the heaviness of the door we are met with either blank stares of confusion or judgemental eye rolling. And we are usually overcome with shame for having these thoughts in the first place since the majority of us reading this have a lot more to be grateful for than most women on the planet.
Recently, when I took a stand on an issue that really mattered to me I was met with the jarring response of 'well, when I was your age I did all that and loved it'. The message was clear 'there is something wrong with you.' Well, I already knew that! I knew that what was wrong with me was that I was afraid to say no. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be the good girl. I wanted to be everyone's friend. I wanted to be kind and thoughtful and loving and spiritual and all the things I thought would get me approval ... from others and myself.
Except it doesn't work. I teach this stuff and I am still surprised when I find myself in the middle of a struggle to fill that hole. If only I had some advance warning system that I can't miss that would be a huge signal saying STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN. Many women will admit that taking care of themselves is terrifying. The fear of being seen as selfish by their own or other people's standards will drive them to drink, eat, withdraw, self-abuse, lash out and fall into other destructive behaviours in a desperate attempt to release the tension and drama. It is exhausting and that's how so many women show up on my doorstep. Exhausted.
So, here in the aftermath of another awakening I am pulling out the tools I know will work. It's a huge step for me just as it is for every woman who falls into victimhood when faced with the consequences of their need for acceptance. These are the tools that help women who leave the retreat and walk back into the chaos and dysfunction they have helped to create. These are the baby steps that pull me back to my own centre; the place where I remember I am enough no matter what anyone else thinks. The place where I remind myself to do what I need to for my 'self', physically, emotionally and spiritually.