There is clearly no reason to believe that any of us gets a FREE card to avoid drama. Our news agencies, entertainment and media outlets thrive on it. And if we are honest with ourselves, we are full on participants in the web of drama that victims create, even when we think we don't.
I recently heard a woman say "I just can't help it, I'm addicted to sugar." She went on to describe the typical victim perspective "I feel so helpless and there's nothing I can do. It's frustrating and hopeless." On the other hand, her friend, chimed in saying "Well, that's how I feel about my in-laws - hopeless to change anything and definitely victimized by their obnoxious behaviour. They are oblivious to how embarrassed I am when they tell racist jokes and if I want any family peace I have to suck it up."
Two vastly different examples born out of the same seed. We feel like victims when a store won't resolve a purchase mistake; when the person in the 'twelve item' line up has fifteen things; when the school won't do anything about the bully our child runs from; and when the person at the next work station doesn't pull their weight. We might call it something else and yet we react the same way - we rage to anyone who will listen or we self-sabotage. Neither response gets us an effective solution but we do it anyway because that's what we've learned. Look around and you will see that every day there is someone in the news who is pounding their table top with frustration over something someone did or something that happened to them. It isn't fair. They are victims.
Most of us recoil at the world victim and especially the strong, confident, intelligent women who come to the Women's Wisdom Retreat. None of us want's to be in the pathetic and pitiful position of reaping sympathy and pity from others. At least we think we don't want it until we suddenly realize that feeling victimized in any situation is a call for someone to rescue us. The friends who depend on our helplessness will rush in with all the answers. And those with a low tolerance for whining will whisper critical and demonizing judgements of us to others. And sometimes ... we do all of the above to ourselves.
The Empowerment Dynamic is a revolutionary way to deal with all three self-diminishing behaviours (victim, persecutor and rescuer). Even though we take a keen look at this during the retreats, I know that on November 9th, when a small group of women gathers to explore deeper, we will all be amazed at how awareness and courage can dramatically shift our position.
I recently heard a woman say "I just can't help it, I'm addicted to sugar." She went on to describe the typical victim perspective "I feel so helpless and there's nothing I can do. It's frustrating and hopeless." On the other hand, her friend, chimed in saying "Well, that's how I feel about my in-laws - hopeless to change anything and definitely victimized by their obnoxious behaviour. They are oblivious to how embarrassed I am when they tell racist jokes and if I want any family peace I have to suck it up."
Two vastly different examples born out of the same seed. We feel like victims when a store won't resolve a purchase mistake; when the person in the 'twelve item' line up has fifteen things; when the school won't do anything about the bully our child runs from; and when the person at the next work station doesn't pull their weight. We might call it something else and yet we react the same way - we rage to anyone who will listen or we self-sabotage. Neither response gets us an effective solution but we do it anyway because that's what we've learned. Look around and you will see that every day there is someone in the news who is pounding their table top with frustration over something someone did or something that happened to them. It isn't fair. They are victims.
Most of us recoil at the world victim and especially the strong, confident, intelligent women who come to the Women's Wisdom Retreat. None of us want's to be in the pathetic and pitiful position of reaping sympathy and pity from others. At least we think we don't want it until we suddenly realize that feeling victimized in any situation is a call for someone to rescue us. The friends who depend on our helplessness will rush in with all the answers. And those with a low tolerance for whining will whisper critical and demonizing judgements of us to others. And sometimes ... we do all of the above to ourselves.
The Empowerment Dynamic is a revolutionary way to deal with all three self-diminishing behaviours (victim, persecutor and rescuer). Even though we take a keen look at this during the retreats, I know that on November 9th, when a small group of women gathers to explore deeper, we will all be amazed at how awareness and courage can dramatically shift our position.
