If there is one thing we know about highway driving it's the importance of staying in your own lane. The minute you drift or veer into another lane you risk a collision with someone or something that can scar your mind, body and soul for the rest of your life. It can be a painful, dramatic, chaotic and gut-wrenching experience. Yet, women have been skidding out of their own lanes for years.
Remember that first time you saw someone doing something that captivated your soul? Remember being awed and inspired? Or remember when you had a vision of an extraordinary possibility for yourself and how, for an instant (or maybe longer), you knew that this was YOUR path; this was YOUR destiny? Do you remember feeling and thinking in that moment that nothing could or would get in the way of your dreams?
We've all had those moments of clarity where our future looked certain - even if we didn't know exactly how it would unfold, we could see the finish line. We could taste and smell the air of fulfillment. Even if it was a bit scary, in that moment, if was real for us and we wanted it and we knew it was ours to have.
So what happened? We get into our lane and start moving towards our goal and suddenly, we feel a strong pull: someone is trying to get us into their lane: "We come from a family of teachers and you'll make a great one." "You can start in the family business as soon you finish school." "I never got the chance to go to university so you have to do it." "Get a trade like I did and you'll have a job for life." "Why would you go into sales when all your friends are in service?"
Then there are those who don't want us in their lane but they don't want us in the one we have chosen. They dampen our resolve with limiting perspectives: "No one in our family was ever in the arts." "Leaders have too much power. It's better to be a follower." "No one trusts politicians/lobbyists/activists." "You can't make a living doing that." And the worst offenders "Women don't do that kind of work." "Women can't have kids and work full time."
For so many women, mid-life is a difficult time of reckoning when they realize that they have been driving in someone else's lane for decades. They haven't followed their ideal career; they've given up their creative aspirations; their health and wealth have been ignored; the seat of decision making is not in their hands; they are 'on call' for many others; they've stopped living for themselves. Their reasons for doing it seemed justifiable at the time because after all, we do the best we can, with what we know at any given time. And we all know that the choices we make define the direction of our lives. Every day. Every single moment.
So what happens when we face the stark reality that we haven't been in our own lane for years? Well, some of us pack up our stuff and get out of town. Others get deeper into patterns of self-neglect. Some get bitchy, bossy, cranky, depressed, withdrawn, weepy, angry, intolerant or frustrated.
And some get busy. They get busy figuring out how to pull back into their own lane; How to reclaim some of what was lost and reset their compass or GPS. They ask for help. They learn to quiet their mind. They listen to those who have gone before them. They take a second look at their youthful fantasies. They use the resources at their fingertips. They engage friends and family with renewed enthusiasm. They trust themselves. They take risks. They try and fail and try again.
And they find a purpose in living authentically by honouring whatever path they choose, in their own lane.
Remember that first time you saw someone doing something that captivated your soul? Remember being awed and inspired? Or remember when you had a vision of an extraordinary possibility for yourself and how, for an instant (or maybe longer), you knew that this was YOUR path; this was YOUR destiny? Do you remember feeling and thinking in that moment that nothing could or would get in the way of your dreams?
We've all had those moments of clarity where our future looked certain - even if we didn't know exactly how it would unfold, we could see the finish line. We could taste and smell the air of fulfillment. Even if it was a bit scary, in that moment, if was real for us and we wanted it and we knew it was ours to have.
So what happened? We get into our lane and start moving towards our goal and suddenly, we feel a strong pull: someone is trying to get us into their lane: "We come from a family of teachers and you'll make a great one." "You can start in the family business as soon you finish school." "I never got the chance to go to university so you have to do it." "Get a trade like I did and you'll have a job for life." "Why would you go into sales when all your friends are in service?"
Then there are those who don't want us in their lane but they don't want us in the one we have chosen. They dampen our resolve with limiting perspectives: "No one in our family was ever in the arts." "Leaders have too much power. It's better to be a follower." "No one trusts politicians/lobbyists/activists." "You can't make a living doing that." And the worst offenders "Women don't do that kind of work." "Women can't have kids and work full time."
For so many women, mid-life is a difficult time of reckoning when they realize that they have been driving in someone else's lane for decades. They haven't followed their ideal career; they've given up their creative aspirations; their health and wealth have been ignored; the seat of decision making is not in their hands; they are 'on call' for many others; they've stopped living for themselves. Their reasons for doing it seemed justifiable at the time because after all, we do the best we can, with what we know at any given time. And we all know that the choices we make define the direction of our lives. Every day. Every single moment.
So what happens when we face the stark reality that we haven't been in our own lane for years? Well, some of us pack up our stuff and get out of town. Others get deeper into patterns of self-neglect. Some get bitchy, bossy, cranky, depressed, withdrawn, weepy, angry, intolerant or frustrated.
And some get busy. They get busy figuring out how to pull back into their own lane; How to reclaim some of what was lost and reset their compass or GPS. They ask for help. They learn to quiet their mind. They listen to those who have gone before them. They take a second look at their youthful fantasies. They use the resources at their fingertips. They engage friends and family with renewed enthusiasm. They trust themselves. They take risks. They try and fail and try again.
And they find a purpose in living authentically by honouring whatever path they choose, in their own lane.
