No One Understands Me

9/3/2012

I listen to yet another frustrated client telling me that no one understands her. No one gets the depth of her frustration. She feels she has no friends who can 'relate' and her husband is so focused on what he wants that he doesn't realize she is reaching her breaking point. And now, her coach - ME - is not listening!

I don't take it personally. I KNOW I am listening and I am listening to the enormous fear that is driving her to believe that if only people around her would do what she asks, her life would be better. Once she has vented and cleared all her emotions she slows down and hears my questions. Only then does her broken heart emerge. "Honestly," she says "I don't think I could handle a big change." And that's what she is really afraid of.

When we don't want to face our greatest fears, we look for someone to rescue us. Most of the time what we ask for is not a solution so inevitably, no matter what people do, it doesn't 'fix' the problem. If you feel misunderstood, begin within. Look for where you are not telling yourself the truth about what is wrong. Meditate, journal, pray or whatever else you know how to do to uncover the scary place that you think you can't manage. If you look courageously at what is most frightening, you will be far more empowered to be comforted and supported.

4 Comments

Crystal

9/4/2012 03:17:20 am

Hmmm. This post about fear reasonates with me. I attended a retreat during a particulary difficult time in my relationship. I didn't know whether to keep trying or make the decision to leave. I remember Daryl helping me realize that I wanted my husband to be the one to leave, then I wouldn't have to make the decision and be blamed for ending our marriage. In the ups and downs of our relationship I still haven't decided what the best decision is so for now we both keep trying, but at least I am not looking for someone else to make the choice for me anymore.

Daryl

9/9/2012 04:13:43 am

And awareness is always the first step. As long as we keep moving forward and continue the process of understanding ourselves, we eventually reach a resolution. Movement is the key.

Olga link

9/8/2012 11:38:52 pm

I found that people are generally afraid of unknown that follows making a scary decision. Paralized by fear, some of them are almost begging for something to happen that will ease the burden of them making a step that can be a leap from the cliff. Of course, the best outcome would be that this "something" is in line with what they want to happen, but coming from someone else
This is so normal, I think everyone experienced this. I once read this phrase in the book about six-figure women: "Fear it - but do it anyway." Successful women, apparently, acknowledge their fear and act nevertheless. It's not that they are fearless, they just deal with their fear!
This quality, according to the author of the book, is one of the defining qualities that differentiates highly successful women.

Daryl

9/9/2012 04:17:04 am

Yes Olga ...and when we are in that place of fear we don't always recognize that what we are feeling is fear. It shows up as blaming, complaining, frustration etc. That's why personal reflection is SO key. For example, when I'm noticing these behaviours or feelings, I stop and look inward. What am I afraid of? Then ... with the courage and insight offered by Susan Jeffers in "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway" either the fear dissipates or I just march right through it. Successful women AND strong women are indeed doing this all the time. We just don't know that we are successful and strong until we do it. Courage is a verb!

No One Understands Me

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