"No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting each other straight." Parker Palmer
What a gift it would be for all of us to have someone in our life who simply holds the space for us to express ourselves. I especially like these four reminders that Parker Palmer uses for his circle gatherings.
In most dialogues there is a mutual exchange of feelings and thoughts. That's what the average conversation is all about. Yet sometimes, we really just need someone to listen to us process out loud without any input. I know for sure that I need that. The best resources for me are my coach colleagues who have learned the skills of being completely with their clients as a sincere listener. While we are trained to ask powerful questions to expand the learning, there are times, on casual, catch up calls, when we suspend all impulses and just let each other 'be' with their musings.
My husband Doug is an excellent listener. While he admits that most of the time he would love to tell me what to do (and we have lots of jokes about that), he and I both benefit from the times when we can set aside our own agenda to be present with the one who needs the space in that moment. We have noticed that we can typically work things out ourselves just by having a witness.
For me, one exception to this rule is when I know that I am allowing someone to entrench themselves in a Victim Orientation. It doesn't serve either of us for me to enable an ongoing blame and complain rant. This is when I put on my coaching hat and stop the slide into darkness. I don't fix, save, advise or set straight. I stop the conversation and invite the speaker to offer a different perspective or stop talking. This gives them the opportunity to shift ... or find someone else to whine to! There have been times when I have challenged my friends to do the same for me. The last thing I need in my life is someone who lets me wear myself and them down with historical complaining that has no outcome.
So I wonder ... Who is your 'go-to' person when you don't want to be fixed or saved or advised or set straight? For whom do you give this special gift of time and space? Today, give yourself or someone else at least one chance to be heard with gentle, loving acceptance.
Ms. Daryl Wood is the founder and heartfelt leader of the life-enhancing Women's Wisdom Retreats. She is also a published author and an empathetic, compassionate, Outcome-focused Coach. She facilitates the engaging I've Got This! One Day Retreats focused on the Power of TED* work for private groups, businesses, organizations and sometimes for women only. Visit www.darylwood.com and www.womenswisdomretreats.com for more information.
What a gift it would be for all of us to have someone in our life who simply holds the space for us to express ourselves. I especially like these four reminders that Parker Palmer uses for his circle gatherings.
In most dialogues there is a mutual exchange of feelings and thoughts. That's what the average conversation is all about. Yet sometimes, we really just need someone to listen to us process out loud without any input. I know for sure that I need that. The best resources for me are my coach colleagues who have learned the skills of being completely with their clients as a sincere listener. While we are trained to ask powerful questions to expand the learning, there are times, on casual, catch up calls, when we suspend all impulses and just let each other 'be' with their musings.
My husband Doug is an excellent listener. While he admits that most of the time he would love to tell me what to do (and we have lots of jokes about that), he and I both benefit from the times when we can set aside our own agenda to be present with the one who needs the space in that moment. We have noticed that we can typically work things out ourselves just by having a witness.
For me, one exception to this rule is when I know that I am allowing someone to entrench themselves in a Victim Orientation. It doesn't serve either of us for me to enable an ongoing blame and complain rant. This is when I put on my coaching hat and stop the slide into darkness. I don't fix, save, advise or set straight. I stop the conversation and invite the speaker to offer a different perspective or stop talking. This gives them the opportunity to shift ... or find someone else to whine to! There have been times when I have challenged my friends to do the same for me. The last thing I need in my life is someone who lets me wear myself and them down with historical complaining that has no outcome.
So I wonder ... Who is your 'go-to' person when you don't want to be fixed or saved or advised or set straight? For whom do you give this special gift of time and space? Today, give yourself or someone else at least one chance to be heard with gentle, loving acceptance.
Ms. Daryl Wood is the founder and heartfelt leader of the life-enhancing Women's Wisdom Retreats. She is also a published author and an empathetic, compassionate, Outcome-focused Coach. She facilitates the engaging I've Got This! One Day Retreats focused on the Power of TED* work for private groups, businesses, organizations and sometimes for women only. Visit www.darylwood.com and www.womenswisdomretreats.com for more information.
