Knowing what triggers me is great awareness. Having a strategy to handle my reaction is powerful.
One of my biggest triggers is having to wait for people. What I know is that in that period of waiting I can easily slip into a drama role of feeling victimized, which leads to me losing my grounded centre. That's when I am most likely to indulge in all kinds of self-sabotaging behaviours.
If you have read my book So What? Now What? you know the root of my waiting trigger started when I was a five year old and my mother didn't come home on time. The memory is vivid and there have been literally hundreds of incidents over the years where I was caught in my own drama of waiting. These have fortified this pattern of struggle whenever I have to wait. Even though I know better now, without a strategy, I am still at risk of falling into the trap of doing all sorts of things to appease the anxiety.
Yesterday I had found myself with a long list of people I was waiting to hear back from: a friend about a walk; a colleague about a lunch meeting; helpers with our water dock; a little trip with my daughter-in-law; a potential retreat participant and more. At first I started the pattern of constantly checking emails, eating, browsing online. Then I caught myself and realized that I had a choice about how to manage the 'in the meantime'. Since what I was doing depleted my energy and layered on shame, I decided to make a plan.
First, I made a list of everyone I was waiting to hear from. I love lists. I especially love stroking things off the list. So the list went up on the bulletin board and surprisingly, I immediately felt some relief. I could now see the names and not have them playing tag in my head. Suddenly, I felt that I could breathe so that's what I did. I paused, took a moment to notice my breath and took a few conscious inhales and exhales. Now I was in my zone again.
Next I looked around and chose a small, quick activity that I could do. I glanced out the window and it was obvious. I took a walk to the end of the dock and said a silent prayer of gratitude for being able to live on the lake. After that, it seemed much easier to do things that uplifted me - I put away some papers that had accumulated on my desk; glued a photo album I wanted to use; took a short bike ride; updated my Google calendar; emptied my back pack; started a list of things I wanted to complete this week.
None of these were big or overwhelming. What they all did was keep my mind busy with things that I would feel good about doing (and could add to my 20 Things List at night). Now I have a proven strategy for how to manage myself 'in the meantime'. Because I will still have to wait. I'm not getting through this life without having people with their own timetables and agendas. And I can be okay with that!
Ms. Daryl Wood is the founder and heartfelt leader of the life-enhancing Women's Wisdom Retreats. She is also a published author and an empathetic, compassionate, Outcome-focused Coach.
One of my biggest triggers is having to wait for people. What I know is that in that period of waiting I can easily slip into a drama role of feeling victimized, which leads to me losing my grounded centre. That's when I am most likely to indulge in all kinds of self-sabotaging behaviours.
If you have read my book So What? Now What? you know the root of my waiting trigger started when I was a five year old and my mother didn't come home on time. The memory is vivid and there have been literally hundreds of incidents over the years where I was caught in my own drama of waiting. These have fortified this pattern of struggle whenever I have to wait. Even though I know better now, without a strategy, I am still at risk of falling into the trap of doing all sorts of things to appease the anxiety.
Yesterday I had found myself with a long list of people I was waiting to hear back from: a friend about a walk; a colleague about a lunch meeting; helpers with our water dock; a little trip with my daughter-in-law; a potential retreat participant and more. At first I started the pattern of constantly checking emails, eating, browsing online. Then I caught myself and realized that I had a choice about how to manage the 'in the meantime'. Since what I was doing depleted my energy and layered on shame, I decided to make a plan.
First, I made a list of everyone I was waiting to hear from. I love lists. I especially love stroking things off the list. So the list went up on the bulletin board and surprisingly, I immediately felt some relief. I could now see the names and not have them playing tag in my head. Suddenly, I felt that I could breathe so that's what I did. I paused, took a moment to notice my breath and took a few conscious inhales and exhales. Now I was in my zone again.
Next I looked around and chose a small, quick activity that I could do. I glanced out the window and it was obvious. I took a walk to the end of the dock and said a silent prayer of gratitude for being able to live on the lake. After that, it seemed much easier to do things that uplifted me - I put away some papers that had accumulated on my desk; glued a photo album I wanted to use; took a short bike ride; updated my Google calendar; emptied my back pack; started a list of things I wanted to complete this week.
None of these were big or overwhelming. What they all did was keep my mind busy with things that I would feel good about doing (and could add to my 20 Things List at night). Now I have a proven strategy for how to manage myself 'in the meantime'. Because I will still have to wait. I'm not getting through this life without having people with their own timetables and agendas. And I can be okay with that!
Ms. Daryl Wood is the founder and heartfelt leader of the life-enhancing Women's Wisdom Retreats. She is also a published author and an empathetic, compassionate, Outcome-focused Coach.