If there is one statement I hear repeatedly when someone calls for coaching or a retreat it's this: "I should be able to do this myself." And because they can't, they feel ashamed of themselves.
Ashamed of their inability to problem solve through their own stuff when they seem to be able to help others. Ashamed of being accomplished in so many ways and yet failing miserably in one aspect of their life. Ashamed of appearing weak and vulnerable when the world thinks they have it all together. Shame keeps them from reaching out for help and perpetuates the feeling of unworthiness.
Shame is isolating. And when we need support, it can stand firmly in the path of resources to help us through tough times. Every person, including coaches, therapists, healers, energy workers that I know has their moments of angst, frustration and confusion. Once, in a rant about feeling incapacitated, I said to my coach "Other people like me don't go through this crap" and she immediately replied "I could give you names ... and addresses!" If we take time to understand, we know this is temporary and our getting out of the drama can be accelerated with help.
When I enter a coaching relationship or a woman shows up at my retreat, I don't think of them as a a lost cause because they reached out. I admire their courage for saying "I need a hand here." It's amazing how quickly they begin to tap into their inner strength to resolve the tough issues in their lives.
Asking for help was a key learning from the Co-Active Leadership Program I took and I witnessed many people who found it enormously difficult to reach out. Sometimes, I do too. When I do, the results vary which can leave me feeling overwhelmed with the generosity of others or a little weak from being rejected. What I know is that my worth is not dependent on someone else answering my cry for help. The important element is that I'm owning my need for support in this world just like everyone else whether they know it or not. Sooner or later we all need someone to walk with us through the fire. Asking for help doesn't mean we aren't capable. It means we know when we would benefit from a friendly voice, a guiding hand or someone to listen. And there is NO shame in that.
Ashamed of their inability to problem solve through their own stuff when they seem to be able to help others. Ashamed of being accomplished in so many ways and yet failing miserably in one aspect of their life. Ashamed of appearing weak and vulnerable when the world thinks they have it all together. Shame keeps them from reaching out for help and perpetuates the feeling of unworthiness.
Shame is isolating. And when we need support, it can stand firmly in the path of resources to help us through tough times. Every person, including coaches, therapists, healers, energy workers that I know has their moments of angst, frustration and confusion. Once, in a rant about feeling incapacitated, I said to my coach "Other people like me don't go through this crap" and she immediately replied "I could give you names ... and addresses!" If we take time to understand, we know this is temporary and our getting out of the drama can be accelerated with help.
When I enter a coaching relationship or a woman shows up at my retreat, I don't think of them as a a lost cause because they reached out. I admire their courage for saying "I need a hand here." It's amazing how quickly they begin to tap into their inner strength to resolve the tough issues in their lives.
Asking for help was a key learning from the Co-Active Leadership Program I took and I witnessed many people who found it enormously difficult to reach out. Sometimes, I do too. When I do, the results vary which can leave me feeling overwhelmed with the generosity of others or a little weak from being rejected. What I know is that my worth is not dependent on someone else answering my cry for help. The important element is that I'm owning my need for support in this world just like everyone else whether they know it or not. Sooner or later we all need someone to walk with us through the fire. Asking for help doesn't mean we aren't capable. It means we know when we would benefit from a friendly voice, a guiding hand or someone to listen. And there is NO shame in that.
