"Hello darkness my old friend.
I've come to talk with you again."
Paul Simon
My Shadow is looming over me with an ominous urgency. The most logical thing to do would be to sit with the darkness and learn the lesson. Like many of us, I'm not so sure I want to do that.
My Shadow has arrived through the darkness of judgement and frustration with someone I love very much. As I ranted and whined to my buddy on our morning walk I knew that my old friend - the darkness, the shadow - had come to talk with me ... again.
Seeing ourselves in someone else is only useful if we are willing to learn and grow from the experience. I believe that those who dismiss this opportunity only set themselves up for bigger interruptions in their lives. I know that I could not have predicted the position I am in with this person. And yet, there is absolutely no doubt that if I am going to find peace in one seriously angst filled area of my life, it is going to be through careful, thoughtful reflection on this shadow.
The blessing of being faced with this challenge is that I might actually find the courage to love and accept myself into change. At the same time, I will stop blaming and judging someone else. This can be hard work for me because I was raised like many people to find a persecutor that allowed me to be a victim. It can be painful to realize how much we are indeed like everyone else, doing the same things that we find so abhorrent or unacceptable. Underneath the behaviours is the same desperate longing for love, acceptance, approval, etc. The most liberating thing we can do is go within and resolve our own 'stuff.'
So I am somewhat reluctantly but with respect, honouring the behaviour in my loved one that is triggering me. If you know me, please don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out what is going on. Instead, stop and look at your life and pinpoint the relationship that is jarring your space at the moment. Find yourself in the other person. Let them be your mirror and begin the process of unwinding your deepest feelings. Therein lies the gift of the darkness.
I've come to talk with you again."
Paul Simon
My Shadow is looming over me with an ominous urgency. The most logical thing to do would be to sit with the darkness and learn the lesson. Like many of us, I'm not so sure I want to do that.
My Shadow has arrived through the darkness of judgement and frustration with someone I love very much. As I ranted and whined to my buddy on our morning walk I knew that my old friend - the darkness, the shadow - had come to talk with me ... again.
Seeing ourselves in someone else is only useful if we are willing to learn and grow from the experience. I believe that those who dismiss this opportunity only set themselves up for bigger interruptions in their lives. I know that I could not have predicted the position I am in with this person. And yet, there is absolutely no doubt that if I am going to find peace in one seriously angst filled area of my life, it is going to be through careful, thoughtful reflection on this shadow.
The blessing of being faced with this challenge is that I might actually find the courage to love and accept myself into change. At the same time, I will stop blaming and judging someone else. This can be hard work for me because I was raised like many people to find a persecutor that allowed me to be a victim. It can be painful to realize how much we are indeed like everyone else, doing the same things that we find so abhorrent or unacceptable. Underneath the behaviours is the same desperate longing for love, acceptance, approval, etc. The most liberating thing we can do is go within and resolve our own 'stuff.'
So I am somewhat reluctantly but with respect, honouring the behaviour in my loved one that is triggering me. If you know me, please don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out what is going on. Instead, stop and look at your life and pinpoint the relationship that is jarring your space at the moment. Find yourself in the other person. Let them be your mirror and begin the process of unwinding your deepest feelings. Therein lies the gift of the darkness.