Some of you will be very surprised to hear me say that. After all, I am the Self-Esteem Coach, always encouraging clients to find themselves right. Why would I be changing my tune?
Well, maybe I'm not. It just looks that way.
It all comes down to my deep, abiding commitment to Shadow Work. In spite of how challenging and uncomfortable it can feel at times, I am constantly surprised by the power of understanding our light and dark shadows. The ability to embrace all of ourselves regardless of what shows up - kindness, generosity, ambition, discipline AND laziness, greed, insensitivity, critical - is one of the most helpful tools in self-acceptance and the eventual compassion for others.
Think about what happens when someone calls you a name or labels you in a way that makes you feed sad, frightened, angry, frustrated or ashamed. For example, have you ever been told "You should have paid more attention. You are never on time. You are always negative. You don't care about anyone but yourself. You play the victim." or perhaps it sounds like "Don't be so controlling. Stop gossiping. You're lying." and my favourite "Who do you think you are?"
If any of these words/phrases trigger you, then stop and embrace the shadow. Because even when you try to hide it from yourself, you are indeed all these words. And to be fair, you are also so much more.
But let's not step so quickly over the words that hurt. When we are triggered and we don't know how to recover, we are unable to respond with confidence and clarity. We are catapulted back to a time when these words cut into our sense of self, leaving us with feelings of guilt or shame. I'm a big fan of Dr. Brené Brown's work on vulnerability which ties in with owning our shadow.
There is a light and dark to everything. It's not always okay to be wise, caring and helpful just as it's not always bad to be selfish, aggressive or manipulative. We have made up something about these words and until we understand why we react the way we do, our lives are managed by what we can't be with.
So find yourself wrong. Look at the words that make you shrink. Trace the patterns, own the behaviours and move on. Not sure how to do it? Call me for coaching or come to a retreat. You'll be fascinated by who you really are!
Well, maybe I'm not. It just looks that way.
It all comes down to my deep, abiding commitment to Shadow Work. In spite of how challenging and uncomfortable it can feel at times, I am constantly surprised by the power of understanding our light and dark shadows. The ability to embrace all of ourselves regardless of what shows up - kindness, generosity, ambition, discipline AND laziness, greed, insensitivity, critical - is one of the most helpful tools in self-acceptance and the eventual compassion for others.
Think about what happens when someone calls you a name or labels you in a way that makes you feed sad, frightened, angry, frustrated or ashamed. For example, have you ever been told "You should have paid more attention. You are never on time. You are always negative. You don't care about anyone but yourself. You play the victim." or perhaps it sounds like "Don't be so controlling. Stop gossiping. You're lying." and my favourite "Who do you think you are?"
If any of these words/phrases trigger you, then stop and embrace the shadow. Because even when you try to hide it from yourself, you are indeed all these words. And to be fair, you are also so much more.
But let's not step so quickly over the words that hurt. When we are triggered and we don't know how to recover, we are unable to respond with confidence and clarity. We are catapulted back to a time when these words cut into our sense of self, leaving us with feelings of guilt or shame. I'm a big fan of Dr. Brené Brown's work on vulnerability which ties in with owning our shadow.
There is a light and dark to everything. It's not always okay to be wise, caring and helpful just as it's not always bad to be selfish, aggressive or manipulative. We have made up something about these words and until we understand why we react the way we do, our lives are managed by what we can't be with.
So find yourself wrong. Look at the words that make you shrink. Trace the patterns, own the behaviours and move on. Not sure how to do it? Call me for coaching or come to a retreat. You'll be fascinated by who you really are!
